"Never let is be said, I was untrue" ~ DCD

In a reflective mood I am and although this page may not shine, off of it I bounce my thoughts today. I am with a girl on whom I don't want to fuck around. When tears flush her eyes it pains me and this I like to avoid. Whether she does it before me or it is an imagined scenario, my emotions stir. I don't like it and become vexed when they do. Weird as fuck but, I am being selfish in-that I don't want to be with others and cause this to happen to her. I've abused my body for what seems like forever or, what in reality, is soon to be 31 years. This, that, or the other thing, mattered not, whatever poison I can find, was deemed fit by me to ingest or inhale. I was told many a time to treat my body like a temple but I found nothing holy. Still not sure I do. Was like asking for empathy from a psychopath. You'd be met with a stare as blank as that which I share with Israelis when their words sound like strings of mush to me. While investing 0 fucks and putting in minimal effort with what to move my lips "MAH???" is the sound that exits my mouth while my eyes seem glazed over and dreamy.