I find that often in life there are things that we really like that we must let go. Wether this is a ciggarette or a girlfriend matters not, theres a battle that goes on within our minds. The first day of not smoking is the most dificult. I have experience with this and so yesterday I spent nearly the whole day on my bicycle sweating out the physical yearning for nicotine. Clearly two forces are at work here. The one that tells me I will shrivle up like a sunless flower if I keep smoking and the one that tells me look over there, theres a fit and active person smoking, its ok. Its very easy to get confused. Afterall this is all coming from your own mind. Anyway I have realized that telling myself that I will not ever smoke again is stupid and unrealistic. I've tried it many times and like during the fast of yom kippur I just want it more wen I know I cant have it. I will smoke only when Im pissed. This is the compromise I have decided to settle upon after arguing back and forth with the good and the bad voices in my head.
So after getting on the piss at my friend Yanivs crib I just now drove ma car back home and prepped some cereal and bread with peanut butter. Im gonna go with Yaniv to his engagement party at his girlfriends parents house out in the country on saturday. From their we will go see her grandads farm land with 400 cows. And 300 acres of beautiful country land. Munchies has kicked in and so gonna stuff my face and pass out.
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