Saturday, December 11, 2010

I lost myself... at around 3.

Just cant stand the way people act when someone dies... Its as if this person became a saint and whatever negative things they might have done are out the window. Suicide is especially interesting. Peoples reactions and such. I find it weird that so many people with talent had not loving people enough to keep going. I wont lie, if it weren't for my little nephews and my family in general Ida bit the bullet a long time ago. Not because I'm depressed (or talented) but because to me its like switching the channel. Been lingering on this one like a fool entranced by what is essentially an infomercial for way too long... Hate the glossy actors, the ragged sets and the ever more repetitive scenes. I awake everyday to see the subway rats, the mold and the daily race that leads to lost dreams from our youth and lies to ourselves. Life is like a kid dreaming about Santa just before being raped by him. Reality comes in layers. Being young is our only original state. A beautiful white canvas. When we get old we get wet, wet by the paint on the walls. Some of us look like distant rainbows with a hue of grey. There is no "wet paint sign" so wherever we lean rubs off on us and some can tell where we'd been. It leaves a mark on our blackboards or our subconscious and that black board is shoved into our faces every time we wake and take stock of our lives. Pleasant things disappear quick like putting a wet cloth to our black boards. There is still a faint sign of it but happiness leaves no scars so how do we remember? What effects our daily lives are those lost beliefs we've had to sell for what we think is logical clarity. Anything, from an unpleasant look shared with you by a stranger on the street to a heated family squabble. All is, for some, reason for suicide. To restart, to reset, to repaint our canvas with colors more pleasing. Most peoples can be compared to Edvard Munch' "the scream". Dull, not bright and pleasant. So how do you paint a Mona Lisa? Leo must've been a cold mofo to do that. Anyway, until that day (which I hope I never see) where there are no longer people to hurt, the layers will continue.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

New Pals

I've been making new friends and I like them. They are older than I and I get on well with them. Probably better than I do with my regular friends. Its all about picking up different chics every night for them, Its quite funny how they approach girls. Never seen the tactics they use ever before but I'm picking up on them.
Anyway, I will keep you updated!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Life for me here in NY has becme boring and routine. Business has been terrible so I havent been able to splurge or shop too much. Its kind of like a movie I keep watching over and over and that movie is groundhog day. Doing the same shit over and over. Seeing the same crap all the time. I just want to move to and live peacefully in Israel.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

No day but today

I saw a friends post which inspired this little note; "You know that especially nice shirt you were saving to wear for a special occasion? Put it on today! Because today IS a special day. If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and people who love you, then celebrate today. No day but today."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010



Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

A note about the Ahm of ours

Just a little note about the goings on here, in the state of Israel. I love cultures in general but here, I find myself surrounded by people who (mostly) interact with one another as if they are family. Its strange, you treat your gas peddle, whilst driving, just a little bit different. I noticed myself doing this for the past few days and then realized most drivers here do the same. Your delicate with it as you truly feel that your getting poorer the harder you press it. If you complain about the gas prices in the states you got to get out of them a little. Since us children of Israeli migrants are accustomed to hearing the holy language only in our homes or while visiting a close friends home, for example, we feel as if the person passing us on the street having a word with his son, is actually our great uncle while visiting. Yes, our fathers mothers brother, whom we just now met. Its a lovely phenomenon really, and I im sure the children of other nations transplants feel the same. A whole nation that sounds and looks like they are family. See, this is what I try to explain to people when they warn me "dont look at everybody as family, some are dangerous". Maybe, but fuck all that, until my bubble is burst, I will continue to stick my head out of my drivers side window while my Galgalats is blaring and say to the car waiting for the light to the left of me "ma inyanim habibi" (how you doin buddy). Everyday I just randomly speak to the person standing closest to me, and no, I dont get horrified looks like "is this person insane too? Perhaps he's dangerous though, I wonder what meds hes on? Perhaps he too sees Dr. Yanowitch, my psychiatrist. He must have seen me leaving my last session and now wants money from me." No, the person next to me replies to my "hey brother, wheres the spot tonight?" or to my "tell me, where does one get a good frikin burger round here? I'm fucking starving!" naturally, and unhesitantly as if we're already in the midst of a converstaion and we've been friends for a while. Also there is a certain trust or mutual understanding between us because we're here for the same reason. Its the land that was promised to us. And we enjoy its fruits together. So, some more insight as to the workings of this great country: Any restaurant, pub, club or social gathering with more than 40 people must have a guard at the door (normally armed and very skilled in his trade). This is law. Wherever you go, wether to eat, shop or simply to the beach, you have a great uncle sitting outside who also is a trained killer raising his eye brow and/or sharing with someone a look of utter hate or disgust because his ear drum was met with the arabic language. Yup, waiting and ready to kill any horny, virgin, sand monkey screaming lalalalala running towards the place wearing a trench coat in the summer or a turban with some Iranian C4 strapped around his ass. Just looking forward to his 72 virgins. The fruits here actually have taste. Yes, its true, they do. Potent and sweet they are. The biggest problem currently, is not the Palestinians or the turks, but, the Israeli mafia/gangsters who battle between themselves and cause me great pains. Like making this restaurant I had some great goose liver at no longer accesible because the owners rivals chucked some grenades through the window the other day, in the middle of the night. Yea, it kinda sucks when you get your kaved avaz taken away from you b/c some dumb dudes who dont appreciate the Amercian appetite, wanted to send someone a message. The police here are fruitcakes and you can definately get away with yelling, swearing and throwing a hissy fit for having your day slightly disturbed. In the states, before your mouth opens to say "good day officer" you already have your skull cracked followed by a 50,000 volt electric current running through your body. Its different here. If there were to be an instance of police brutality, the nation would uproar and see to it that the police officer and the police chief find new jobs or worse. In certain areas (primarily around the beaches) thong bikinis are very prevalent and it sorta reminds me of Miami, only all of those wearing them are a true pleasure to oggle at. Israel does not have the weight problem that the US does. I suspect this will soon change though, as fast food shops are now almost as abundant as the name Osama is in Afghanistan. Early in the morning, you might think your in some cave while strolling the streets in Tel-aviv. This is due to the bats that are going on and on about something while hanging out in the trees. Rent and real estate here is relatively cheap, yet the quality of life far exceeds ours. People leave this beautiful place to pursue cash in other countries, but, those that remain are seeking something else. They are looking to enjoy life with their families and are happy with the understanding that they probably wont be rich (a prospect many Nyers cant accept). They must take 40 lessons with a driving instructor b4 being issued a very strict road exam, but they still manage to take the cake when it comes to being the worst drivers I've ever seen. Soldiers and guns are evrywhere. Mostly, they're young 18 or 19 yr old kids who are maturing and becoming men right b4 your eyes. The Israeli military always slughters the US marines all year round during joint military exercises. An Israeli friend shared with me a story: While they were taking a break (during one excercise) the Israelis were sprawled out on the ground smoking cigarrettes and chatting freely among themselves while one US marine, who, together with his platoon, had to stand in attention went and asked his superior why they cant too relax. The reply was curt, "you can relax when you learn to fight like those guys do" Many observations I have made. They are edging me towards moving here. On peoples faces, you see looks of contentment, satisfaction and warmth, while in NY it is of dread, hopelessness and anger. Anger, because they might be racist or anti-semetic or ya know, they think your ugly, fat and they feel bothered because you are breathing the same air and they're being forced to look at you. They're also pissed because they didn't "make it" like they thought they would when they left their gem of a country to seek ca$h...

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Howdy Do

Its ma birfday hoorayyy... actually not that excited. Long time its been since I actually worked on my birthday as I have today. Been working @ a mail order company doing cs for the amazon division there. Things have been pretty routine. Its been a while since the wheels in my head have been turning coming up with random ideas and projects. Dont know why i've been numb. I only recently started to come out of this fog that surrounded me for a long while. Thinking more clearly nowadays. I've been on antidepressants for a while and i stopped them about 2 weeks ago. I think they've been keeping me down...To heck with them.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

The run down

so it wasnt exactly my idea but im single again and not sure what to do with my time. Im gonna wait a while until i look for a new gf but who knos what will happen. For now im kinda bummed. Anyway, ill be posting here more often from now on?