Monday, January 30, 2012

"Never let is be said, I was untrue" ~ DCD

In a reflective mood I am and although this page may not shine, off of it I bounce my thoughts today. I am with a girl on whom I don't want to fuck around. When tears flush her eyes it pains me and this I like to avoid. Whether she does it before me or it is an imagined scenario, my emotions stir. I don't like it and become vexed when they do. Weird as fuck but, I am being selfish in-that I don't want to be with others and cause this to happen to her. I've abused my body for what seems like forever or, what in reality, is soon to be 31 years. This, that, or the other thing, mattered not, whatever poison I can find, was deemed fit by me to ingest or inhale. I was told many a time to treat my body like a temple but I found nothing holy. Still not sure I do. Was like asking for empathy from a psychopath. You'd be met with a stare as blank as that which I share with Israelis when their words sound like strings of mush to me. While investing 0 fucks and putting in minimal effort with what to move my lips "MAH???" is the sound that exits my mouth while my eyes seem glazed over and dreamy. 

Friday, January 20, 2012

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist" ~George Carlin

I sometimes try to explain to people what I miss about home while I'm away for extended periods. It goes something like this: While home, a friend may come, pick me up, and together with other friends we may go out to a bar, lounge or something of the sort. The whole night I wouldn't have to open my mouth. Meaning, they know me, they know my past and are more than familiar with who I am and what I'm like. While away, on the other hand, I have to constantly flap my lips while in the presence of new people. This, so that I can give them fuel with which to get to know me, my ways, my past, and again, who I am. It is frustrating at times because I like to be quiet and study my surroundings. Sometimes I find I have much to contribute to a conversation but haven't the energy or the care to share, allowing people to babble on and on while my inner thoughts are screaming "Shut The Fuck Up Already". I'm trying to keep from becoming jaded because when that happens I quickly get bored of my surroundings and want new ones. More so than anywhere else I've been, I feel Israelis are selfish and care more for themselves and their pockets than they do the world at large. Ethics in business is a foreign term here. I recall researching gun laws in Israel before coming because I like to keep a firearm at home wherever I rest my head but too strict they are and make them nearly impossible to attain legally. I've come to the conclusion that if ever I'll need one, the process I'll have to follow to get hold of it would involve giving some lanky 18 year old soldier a Brooklyn style stomping and taking one from him as one would a lollipop from a feisty child. The language barrier is annoying and I sometimes find it difficult to offend people properly. This I will have to work on.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Weekend in Jerusalem


 Mt Spice

 Mmmm Braiiinnzz
 Coptic church
 A request made of Jesus by someone next to his grave
 Some other crap
 Jesuses grave