Thursday, November 17, 2011

Inspiring

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in GRASS VALLEY, CA. It was believed that he had nothing left of any value.


Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. 




One nurse took her copy to Missouri. 


The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.


And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.




Crabby Old Man... 
What do you see nurses? . . ... . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . When you're looking at me?
A crabby old man . .. . . . Not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .... . . . . With faraway eyes?


Who dribbles his food . . . .. . And makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . . . . . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice .. .. . .... . The things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?


Who, resisting or not . . . . . Lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . .. . .. . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . .... . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . .. . You're not looking at me.


I'll tell you who I am. . . . .... . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . .. . As I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .. . . .. With a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . .. ... .. Who love one another.


A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. With wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now . . . . ... A lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . . .. My heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows . . . . . That I promised to keep.


At Twenty-Five, now . . . .... . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other .. . . . . With ties that should last.


At Forty, my young sons . . ... . . Have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . To see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children .. . . . My loved one and me.


Dark days are upon me . . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . Shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . .... . . . Young of their own.
And I think of the years .. . . .. . And the love that I've known.


I'm now an old man . . . . ..... And nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age . . . . . Look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . . . . . Grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . Where I once had a heart.


But inside this old carcass . . . . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . My battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . ... . Life over again.


I think of the years, all too few . . . . ... Gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . .. . . That nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . ... . Open and see.
Not a crabby old man . ... . . Look closer . .. . See ME!!




Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. 


We will all, one day, be there, too!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Ego Sum In Diligo

Whenever asked why it is I don't smile often I am reminded of the shit that i try to forget in regards to what goes on in this world. The act of not smiling often or of not being happy-go-lucky, like my dog, isn't caused by some recent thought or immediate occurrence much more so than it is by the manifestation of a jaded depression. Absolutely sickens me to see Mayor Bloomberg throw around his cronie cops arresting and abusing innocent people that see through the tint people like the Bilderbergs plastered around  them as if saying "alright you had your little time to have fun here in Zucotti park now go home you little vagrants". It sucks to say this but we need to beat some people in congress and the senate much like the Libyans did when they captured Qadafi until they accept the change that's coming. I don't agree with the majority saying peaceful protesting is the way to go. Our governments (worldwide) should be taken back from whence they've strayed, the  American way, with numbers and guns.  On a lighter note - definitely going through some chemical changes here in the holy land. I'm pretty sure I know who the culprit is... Life feels more real. I can say with confidence that I will move and shake things in this little country.Gut feeling.

Moooood

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Good Things

I've been saying it's been a while since I've felt the way I do. Truth is I never felt this way. Although crap from the past is still somewhat covering up (like resin) the feeling of ecstatic happiness I know I want to feel because of where I currently stand, still, I see amazing things and great times lying ahead. Never before have I met someone who I seriously feel can compliment me well in the years to come, one who I feel may be a good mother to my kids. It is an exciting and at the same time wonderful thing to have had this happen to me so soon into my integration here. I imagine the content on this blog may just be influenced by this beautiful person in the future.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Integrating in Israel

Ya know, life is weird and you can find yourself in random places at any given time. Right now I lay in my flat in the town of Hadera in the center of Israel. It's kinda hot but I'm avoiding putting on the AC and instead opened all the windows. My place is scantily filled with the basics. I await a cousin of mine who will be bringing me a fridge. I scored a tv, bed, coffee table, tv table, some chairs for the island I have in the kitchen and all the necessities to fill a kitchen very graciously given to me by a distant family member. She will soon be receiving a thank you card. She will probably be surprised as I imagine this isn't done very often here. Still I will stick to proper etiquette and take the 5 minutes to write one.  Oh, I also I have a large cabinet that I can fit all my clothes in. Work is good. I am being paid the same as a Nigerian but I will keep from scamming as I live in a land that is plentiful and the money is definitely not the reason I came here. Hmm, I do worry though about being able to keep the essentials I need to survive. As they say here " Iye beseder" It'll be ok. My dog is my base, my anchor. He was bit by another Israeli dog and was bleeding profusely over the weekend. I repaired him and he is now laying next to me watching intently as a miniscule ant walks by his nose. It is too small for me to care. I find I am luckier here with the ladies then I am back home. Women will come and go here and I will pay mind to them as much as I do pages in a magazine as I flip through them. This, until I find one with whom I want to settle. I will write more here about my integration into Israeli society but for now I must tend to the wound that I am trying to keep from being infected on my dogs ear.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Where I want to be


Observations

I'm currently staying at my brothers out in Long Island. It's calm and serene here unlike Brooklyn. It's a good place to come and relax, to reflect. I'm using my time here to detox from cigarettes. It's about time I quit those damn things. I'm free of any other foreign substance these days and this is the only one that remains.
I find it very funny, but at the same time not, that friends keep telling me they quit using drugs/taking pills while it's obvious that they did not. They wouldn't be so boisterous and loud, so oblivious to the people around them, looking at them with fear and disgust. It is embarrassing to be around them and I find it very odd that I never noticed it before. I guess I too was loud and obnoxious and never once looked at myself and my actions and asked, what the hell are you doing? I guess now that I am clean, I am a lot more reserved and conscious of my surroundings, of other peoples right to speak, of their opinions and their space. No longer a jerk unaware of his disposition. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Click


Beauty

It all started with a smile from a girl. She was receptive to me when I was talking to her and suddenly a guy comes out of the blue and tells me to beat it. Since I was in my neighborhood and outside of my local pool hall I told them to "get the fuck outta here" before somethin bad happens to them... They took off and I went up to play pool. The whole time while playing pool I was sorry I didnt knock that dude out. It was like an itch I couldnt scratch. Lo and behold 20 minutes after he left this same dude came up to the pool hall and asked to me come outside. Now Im from Brooklyn and I knew very well that he had a mob of friends outside waiting for me to come out. I told him sure be right there, turned around and returned with a right hook to this guys face. He was out. He stumbled back downstairs and I went back to my pool game knowing what was coming next. Within 1 minute the pool hall was filled with this dudes little gangster friends. Literally 25-30 of them. I blended in with the rest of the pool players while the leader of the group very menacingly asked "whos the tough guy" I quckly took stock and thought about what to do. A fight will no doubt end with me getting the crap beat out of me. I thought the best coarse of action would be to demoralize them by taking out their leader. So when he was right next to me again asking whos the tough guy while the whole pool hall was silent I bent back and smashed the pool stick across this little punks face. He fell and was out for the count. Then all hell broke loose. Pool sticks were swinging, both my friends and the rest were in a major brawl. I might have took out 2 more kids after realizing they started to pull out knives. I told a friend of mine its time to go and bolted towards the door. I ran outside and towards a bagel shop for safety. I quickly realized that there were 2 guys chasing me and so I ran for my life. I finally made it to the door of the place when I felt a slight slap on my back. I hopped over the counter of this bagel place and grabbed a huge bagel cutting knife and proceeded towards the door ( I was later able to see all this in the police station on the video surveillance cam) I Proceed towards the door when someone stopped me and said I was bleeding. It turns out one of the guys chasing me was able to (with an extended arm) slice me in the back. So I have a scar about 2 inches long going down the middle of my back. My friend who was'nt familiar with my neighborhood took off from the pool hall soon after I did but ran the wrong way. They caught up with him stabbed and broke around 10 pool sticks over his head and back. I owe that kid my life.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Today was a good day

Today I noticed something significant. For the first time in a long time, I woke up happy. This feeling is alien to me. Normally I'd wake with a terrible feeling of hopelessness and depression. I think this is because I didn't see anything good happening anytime soon. I keep a positive attitude these days and I guess its karmic habit force that has finally kicked this in and made it emerge through the years of guk that was covering it. Lots of things are happening that I don't want to mention as I don't want to jinx myself. All the things that are happening, in my opinion, is a direct result of the positive attitude I keep, the daily meditation and also the tools and techniques I picked up in the passed couple of months.

Current

I have to admit, I don't feel like I'm soon moving to Israel. I know that I am but it doesn't feel like it. I know that anything can happen and so with my luck I'm thinking some crazy shit will happen between now and the time when I'm supposed to go (around a month). Anyway, this city is shit. I hate Brooklyn. I was in the Bronx today and I hate it there too. Was at a Yankee game with Zo. I'm definitely not a negative person so this must just be true hate for the crap city I live in. 

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Current Read - Iron John, a book about men. By Robert Bly

A great (poetic) book about the lack of true manliness in men since the industrial revolution. Given to me by my counselor at the Betty Ford Center.