Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Chapter 6

The past year has been quite a roller coaster ride, I've been more active on this page than ever. Not sure if I'm catering to my growing audience, talking thru posts to individual people, or to people who may happen upon these in the future.

I'd like to say, the slactivism you've been seeing, thru posting of posters, my links to Gov't declassified docs and such for your dissemination is a result of lessons learnt and the undeniable feel to share or spread ideas that I agree with.

It's soon to be a year since my landing here in Israel as a true to the blue Israeli. I think I may have been taught lessons in the year past which have changed me dramatically.

I've learned that I find it hard to see a woman walk away from me. This because of the showering of love my mother would sprinkle on me any moment given, growing up. It's fine as my current plans do not allow for another to whom I'd have to dedicate time.

I try, as often as possible, to step out of my own bubble and place myself in the shoes of others, to try and understand them. Here, in Israel, I mainly see people trying to make sure they'll have enough to not go further into "Meenus"/debt. The average Israeli has not the time to think out of their box -- to darn busy surviving. I remember saying they are selfish but this is untrue. They are not given the luxury to think freely.

I learned, for the 3rd time, that mixing business with family is not the way to go.

A  great lesson mastered was how to build/mold the frail/skinny body I've always had.

I dun learned that you can own your own brain and like a cold faced psychiatrist, during a session, compartmentalize and prioritize reaction. I never forget.

I was mentored into understanding, I can't fix shit less I fix myself first.

Made many a mistake, but also was taught not to dwell on them. To learn from them and that progress will only come if I continue to make them.

I learnt that most of my life, I've been a selfish prick, inconsiderate of others and used manipulative tactics to reach end results that satiated only MY wants.

I've been despicably nasty to strangers and also those closest to me. Whether deserved or not -- I offer no apology. Screeching up along on that learning curve. I atone for jack-shit. I can't keep trying to fix people and need to realize negative conditioning is widespread. I honestly and truly believe it gets you nowhere, talking.

I've learned that I am damned, in the sense that I am prone to depression but because of mania, I cannot ever touch anti-depressants. Thanks, god.

My thinking, because of meditation, and certain studies have become sharp as my knife after a good run on my Gander sharpener.

I've learned that all I need to do in order to be properly misunderstood, is to simply be me. I know I have been misunderstood since the day I made Aliyah. Again, conditioning.

Mainly Blogmaster, I learned, that I have a fuck lot to learn...

A post from exactly 6 years ago.

Last thing: Being a New Yorker in Israel, I am confused as to what intergalactic Jewish law would say about my being online right now... They say, where you are or where you live determines the time of holidays. Not sure my head has a timezone though. Definitely sure, however, that I am judging myself here because that seems to be what gets done this time'ayear.